Chico

Look at this dumb fucking lizard fuck. What the fuck is wrong with him? Look at his stupid fucking retard face. I want to kill him. I want to kick him across the room and record the sound it makes when his ribs put a dent in the drywall. Music to my fucking ears. I'd put it on iTunes if some shithouse experimental noise band wouldn't think it was a "song" of theirs and DMCA my ass.

Chico exists almost solely to antagonise me. He's a scaly floppy-dicked lizard bitch who desperately needs to be put down. Look at him. Computer generated in his entirety. Y'know they didn't even use proper CG, yeah? They got some B-list chihuahua cunt they didn't cast for a proper role, stuck him in a morph suit and animated over it in Adobe Flash. Fucking FLASH?! He's an abomination! He doesn't fucking deserve to live! The imagination is limitless! They could've put any character, any fucking character at all in this stupid fucking chihuahua movie, and out of the billions upon trillions of possibilities for archetypes, tropes, cliches, designs and personalities, species and identities that they could've put in the Beverly Hills Chihuahua Cinematic Universe, it ended up being fucking CHICO. CHICO! It makes me fucking SICK to my STOMACH! Holy SHIT!

All the ways I would hurt him
Given the opportunity, there are numerous things I would do to Chico, all of them violent, destructive or emotionally/physically painful in some regard.

Some methods, but far from all, are catalogued below.


 * Stab him
 * Shoot him
 * Engage fisticuffs with him
 * Carpet bomb his house
 * Throw a pipe bomb through his car window
 * Fingerfuck his wife and make him watch
 * Read him several works of Freud
 * Explain to him in detail why neoliberalism isn't THAT bad
 * Sounding
 * Waterboard him with his own blood
 * Toothpick sounding
 * Make him beat off to Roblox R34 exclusively for several months
 * Forced feminisation
 * Drive him to McDonald's, order myself coffee as he begs for a Happy Meal, and leave
 * Cactus sounding
 * Cut open a stress ball and empty the contents into his mouth
 * Facefuck his wife and make him watch
 * Piss in his cereal
 * Treat him the way his parents obviously must have
 * Penis reduction surgery
 * Exacerbate his schizophrenia induced paranoia
 * Desomorphine macrodose
 * Make him watch Beverly Hills Chihuahua
 * Piss in his mouth
 * Taxation
 * Knifeplay